(written approx. Septempber, 2010)
Everyone acts like they know me everywhere I go. They recognize me the minute they see me. On the same days, everyone will act embarrassed when seeing me, or ashamed, or angry, or ridiculing, and seem to all be reacting in the same ways to the same things, and these don’t seem to be things that are there in front of them. If I write something, there will be very obviously related responses that I will not be able to avoid no matter where I go. There are specific sequences in which I encounter types of them in correspondence to recurring events in my life (without relation to where I go or what I am doing within society). If I think of someone in an optimistic light, I will not be able to avoid likenesses of that someone who will be vicious to me. There is an understood relationship between me and the collective according to which I have to define everything in my life. There are many things I am not allowed to do and many unwritten rules I have to live by that no one else has to live by, and if I don’t abide by such things it will be met with harassments, punishments, and penalties, every single time.
It’s understood that society is a satire, and so I am not permitted to do anything in it. They are permitted to do anything in it, and everything everywhere is filled with them all the time, and every one of them is there to ensure that I cannot do anything and will be harassed, ridiculed, and taken advantage of until no longer able to endure anything psychologically. It’s understood that everything they say with words is a lie and that they are inherently biased and hopeless, and so there is no point in saying anything, and so I’m not allowed to say anything, and will get attacked by large numbers of them if I do. At the same time I have to constantly prove everything to them and explain everything to every side of their shifting ‘selves’, and then no matter what I do, their other selves will then turn on me.
I receive electric shocks to my body. I use a language (English) that’s demonstrably a fabrication. Things in news and entertainment are personalized to me. Immediately after the latest crackdown, there was something in the news about a prisoner being denied and then granted the right to a thesaurus. This after my uncharacteristic attempt to use big words had been thwarted by increased harassment, humiliation, and ridicule by large portions of the population I encountered. Usually news stories will protect themselves by being more controversial, or more insulting to me, and so I will be unlikely to mention them in order to avert further targeting: if it’s controversial I will be afraid to mention it, and if it’s very insulting to me it will be very easy for the public to overlook that it’s personalized to me and to just join in. Likewise, in their targeting of me in general they will often protect themselves by my shame and target me precisely in ways or at times that I will be unlikely to do anything about for reasons of shame.
I will never be able to avoid punishments and penalties no matter where I go if I don’t abide by my role as a prisoner who is not allowed to do anything and who must conduct themselves as a prisoner. If expressing myself, I must address only a mob: the mob I will encounter when going outside, the mob that can attack me, the mob that cannot understand anything and cannot be persuaded by any arguments other than those that temporarily appease mobs, the mob I will encounter a hundredfold before encountering any cop, doctor, etc. and which thus protects those posing the greatest legal threat. (The latter being something I can never keep out of my mind, as amongst the many protective mechanisms that will underpin the lie at any cost and will neutralize any attempt to see what’s in front of me, are those defining what is sanity, implicitly defining what is the truth of the world, and that are prearranged to assimilate certain perceptions into established definitions of sanity and truth, without anyone ever seeming to see the other possible side of that coin: that it could be precisely truth that is best protected against perception, as perception becomes crippled by these custom-designed definitions).
And after every time of going outside and encountering the all too familiar prison walls that will only let your life go so far, and never as far as it rightfully should, it’s fun to immediately encounter them as prison walls again when hearing them speak of some other society and fighting to enforce the denial of everything happening in your life in the names of the most shameless things. Why do I get attacked by mobs? Because I am not abiding by the standards of the actual society whose truth must always be felt and abided. And yet anything of the world in which I live is reduced to irrelevance or ridicule within the elaborate but fictional propaganda-context that is the only context one will ever hear spoken. Then, every single thing in that context is used as a scantily disguised method to police my life very closely and in very personal ways. So closely am I policed in fact, that it does not allow for any context in praxis outside of me and anything I ever attempt to do, making everything completely meaningless as there is nowhere any point of anything outside of me by which to define anything at all: it’s just me, and the very close policing of me, and then the recontextualizing of any reaction of mine to this.
What is mundane is what is enforced, accepted, and defined as mundane. In the 1984 police state, anything dreamt up can instantly be enforced as mundane, unanimously accepted as mundane, and thereby ‘a priori’ defined as mundane. Any violation can be committed against you in any very obvious and personal way, and then be corroborated as legitimate by anything required and treated as legitimate by anyone required. No one will ever see anything or remember anything. The synchronicity will always be insurmountable. One that is able to see through it all will choose to remain silent about most things, or else suffer the ridicule of idiots.
The society against which all resistance is futile will constantly use its actual relationship with you to coerce you in many ways, and then at any time they can recontextualize anything to try to destroy anything you do. They are always at your throat, have been for years, have been policing your every move and your every thought, and have been harassing you and using the population to condition you in personal ways. Your privacy has been non-existent. To this day there is but one bad picture of you in any public domain, and yet everyone seems to know what you look like. But then they’ll use the context of the society they verbally say it is to tell you how overforthcoming you have been with giving away your personal details in public writings: but every single thing I do is already the business of the population long before I write about it, and I only address it at a point where the population is already so coercively involved in it that the only way to make them back off somewhat is by writing about it. There is not a single detail about myself that I give that isn’t already known without me giving it by everyone everywhere, and there isn’t much privacy to be lost when privacy is already completely non-existent in the first place.
There is also a revitalized campaign from numerous directions of reduction of anything I say to mental illness, which is what happens whenever I give them too much benefit of the doubt and listen too much to things they tell me that don’t make any sense. This is when they teach you that you are not allowed to stand up to them, do not allow you to acknowledge what they are, force you to address them with the utmost politeness, and then they focus on reducing anything you say to a manifestation of your mental illness. They’ll come in the name of being liberal or whatever to earn your trust, break down your context, instil theirs, and work to stick these politically motivated labels to you and to your self-perception. Then, however much reason you display, all they can do is gawk and attribute it to your mental illness, with their own insanity as always remaining quite unacknowledged.
This works splendidly, as now you are not allowed to question society or to question authority, no one will take anything you say seriously and anyone can violate you in any way knowing this, you are not entitled to be creative or imaginative as this will only cast suspicion on you, and while you remain quiet and docile they continue to operate quite in accordance to the society you perceive.
They invoke the names of many things for long periods to destroy your confidence and systematically turn against you anything you may feel the slightest affinity towards. When that’s accomplished it’s always surprising that they don’t believe in anything, and are still the pathological liars they were last time they did precisely the same thing, because they had been as convincing as necessary to accomplish anything they had to accomplish. Once your confidence is completely destroyed by constant selective contexting of your every moment by a flexible pop-up chain-reaction environment, they waste no time before moving in and treating you in the ways you had vowed never to let them treat you again.
It doesn’t matter if they lie: they can all say the same things and unanimously treat as mundane anything whatsoever. Rather than recognize them as lying, you are brought to fear the sadism of their lies and selective unanimity and obey them and carry their out-of-context contexts wherein they can focus on any proportion in you of things far more accurate about themselves. And with the constant hollowing of confidence you can certainly rely on nothing external either that would allow you to stand up to them, and must accept nothing but their unmitigated fascism whichever way you turn as you don’t want to induce a massive chain-reaction by standing up to any one of them that picks on you.
I use the internet for self-expression because I all too often find myself having to take a stand against society as a whole, and there are always extraordinary efforts to not allow me any voice and to reduce anything I have to say to irrelevance or ridicule. And so now that I am doing that, everyone is working to build contexts around it to emphasize its nullity, as they would no matter what I do. They tell me that the only way to make any difference is by joining a herd, and making a difference seems to be synonymous to them with joining a herd. In my experiences, the herd has always been the biggest problem there is, and the iron fist itself. And the state of my privacy is indeed very bad, extremely bad, just like it was before I ever started using the internet.
they always automatically make excuses for anyone picking on me, automatically deny anything I mention happening, and automatically attribute anything I tell them to the worthlessness of my judgments, even though they often aren’t there to witness anything but are just obeying their inherent partisanship. They allow me no voice amongst them, which is why I write in the first place. Moreover, it’s very difficult to stand up to any member of the collective without triggering a massive chain reaction and epidemic of retributions against me from absolutely every possible direction that is very difficult to contain afterwards. Any standing up to any member of the collective by the collectively targeted infringes on every member of the collective.
Anything any of them do however peculiar, everyone else will then say the same regarding to protect it, or do the same to camouflage it. And moreover, year after year I am relentlessly policed by society by means of psychological methods corresponding to everything I do and everything I think, until inevitably I acknowledge them as the police. And so, they treat me like an unpopular authority figure everywhere I go, because they are just these components that automatically twist everything backwards without ever justifying anything and treat you precisely in every way in which you should be treating them. They treat me like an unpopular authority figure for no other reason than that being an effective method to police someone. Likewise, if they police me as victims it’s not because they are actual victims, but because they place themselves as victims of everything I do to police it. I’m not allowed to have a job, to go to school, to be in public, and everything I try to is shunned or systematically destroyed, and so there are no grounds for treating me like an authority figure. Moreover, I’ve never had any instance of society treating me in some way, and then some authority figure choosing to not participate, or vice versa, and so there is no distinction in relation to me between official authority figures and regular people, except official authority figures have more power they are able to abuse. Somehow, though, it’s suddenly unanimously understood that I’m now not permitted to question authority, due to the way society has been treating me while watching me very closely. It’s a selection of automatic traps without the option not to select.
It is difficult to stand up to a society of nazi pigs that’s teaming up against you and that happens to know you everywhere you go (treating you like you’re unpopularly famous, without actually acknowledging you as famous, and using this to police your life very closely). If someone harasses you in some way, everyone else will then harass you in the same way to protect them and protect the collective in the manner of bacteria.
I avoid going outside, going to the store, etc. most of the time, because I am being targeted by a society of nazi pigs and these things are not very pleasant to do. Will anyone else say that they are unable to do a single thing in life without immediately stepping into retributions for them, and have to always live up to the demands of the disease mob that watches their every move very closely? And if it’s required for the collective to increase involvement in your life, everyone will suddenly have the same opinion at the same time, although none of them will seem to have a problem with anything else whatsoever. And if words are unable to capture things well and put them in proper perspective, the disease-mob will sense that, but will not be able to see a single thing for themselves or to do anything other than fulfill their imperative to be a bunch of nazi pigs and to kill any life that ever comes about.
